oh hello. it's one thirty on a monday morning. i took a long nap in the afternoon and my mind is dreading bed now. where should i start.. i've decided to move to states for a bit, a good escape? i dont know.. but i am really looking forward. i will most probably come back broke.. but with some experience.. life changing experience i suppose. on a heavier note, i walked off on j last friday. he was my escape for a week or maybe less actually. i pretended not to care for another being for the longest time but deep down, i am a hopeless romantic yet ironically, i refused to let him into my life. a small part of me knows he's perhaps good for me, or is it that i am tricked into the whole 'stronger than me' part? i am such an irony, and i cant help but laugh at myself.. what a sad sad person. first it was joe and then him. is it because i have issues w trust or commitments? hell, i think it's both. i want a person in my life yet i seem to be chasing every single one of them out of my life. what happen to, "if i wanted it so badly, the universe will conspire and give it to me!'